I Pick Ugly Baby Names

Good morning, dear readers.  So, I was planning to have my next blog post be the anxiously awaited Doctor Who Discussion but my writing and analysis of The Angels Take Manhattan is going a little slower than I had anticipated.  Luckily, I had a back-up plan ready!  Don’t worry, readers, I will not let you go without.  Enjoy…

I have been very concerned with the naming of my future children since I was a mere child, myself.  I mean, very concerned.  Like, I have a list in a Word document saved on my computer that I frequently add to.  At one point when I was young, I thought Tiffany was the most beautiful name in the world.  When I was 12 or 13, I was absolutely positive I was going to name my future daughter Denali (yes, it’s the name of a car by GMC but I thought it was also a gorgeous name.)  You can ask my sister, since I always keep her abreast of my new favorites, and she would probably argue that my taste hasn’t improved much since then.

(Did you think I was kidding about the list?)

So, I guess you could say that my taste in baby name has always leaned more towards the “eccentric” side, but I think I’m okay with that.   if Gwenyth Paltrow can get away with naming her kids Apple and Moses, I don’t think some of my picks like Sawyer (girl) or Beckett (boy) are anything to get bent out of shape about.  Meg and I recently had a conversation about “hipster” baby names.  The name “Wayfarer” was jokingly tossed out.  The worst part was….I liked it.

I love you, baby Wayfarer.

But I started wondering what it is about weird-ass names that I like so much.  My mom claims that the fact that she had an unusual name (Corrine) was the reason she gave the three of us some of the most normal names ever: Michael, Rebecca and Sarah.  Maybe I’m destined to continue this vicious cycle because my kids will have such crazy names that they will name their kids Bob, Bob and Bob.  And then Bob, Bob and Bob will go on to have kids whose names are literally just a jumble of letters.  Introducing my great-grandkids: Ayutina, Woefut and Naldkeiejg.  (Naldkeiejg is a real pistol!)

I like to think that the reason behind my interesting choices in names is NOT because I’m trying to show all the other parents that I’m more creative and free-spirited.  After all, a child’s name is not necessarily supposed to be a point of pride.  It’s a name.  Your kid is going to be hearing that name for the rest of their life, possibly even shouted at a loud volume during coitus.  That’s why I can’t for the life of me understand why people name children Makenzie.  Or worse, Cody.  What the hell kind of name is that going to be for a grown man?  If you’re going to name your child Cody, you better hope that he has that weird Andy Milonakis disease and he’s always going to have the body of a child because I just can’t picture an adult introducing himself as Cody.

"Nice to meet you, sir.  The name's Cody."

Maybe I think that whatever name I give my future children will affect their personality.  For example, I don’t think I’ve ever met an ugly girl named Grace.  I also don’t think I’ve ever met a girl named Jade who hasn’t been a pain in my ass.  There’s a student at my school who has the coolest, most unique name I’ve ever heard for a girl (obviously not mentioned here to protect her privacy) and she’s extremely  popular and well-liked.  Does that happen to all kids who have awesome names?  (AN: I recently had a chance to talk to this awesomely-named student’s grandmother.  When I told her how cute I thought the name was, she delightedly informed me that the student’s parents had seen it on a gravestone belonging to a male ancestor of theirs and decided it was the perfect name for their daughter.  Coolest.  Name.  Ever.)

Like many parents who pay tribute to a special person by naming their child in honor of that person, if you look at my current list of favorite names, you’ll see that some of them, I’ve obviously chosen because the name is meaningful to me in context.

Lisbeth: I like the name, itself.  I like it even more because Lisbeth Salander from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy is one of the strongest, most itriguing female characters I’ve ever read.  I want my daughter to be a badass like that!

Amy: I like the name well enough but I would never choose it for my own daughter if it weren’t for Amy Pond, another brilliantly written female character that I would be honored if my daughter was anything like.

Bowie: Have you seen that Youtube video where the two 6 year old kids have their first kiss?  Freakin adorable.  And the girl’s name is Bowie.  I love it.  She's the cutest kid ever and has the most awesome 80s name.  (If you haven't seen it, Youtube search "little kids first kiss.")

Greyson: How could you not love the name Greyson?  When I hear it, I just picture a FaF kid wearing Ralph Lauren on a dock in Martha’s Vineyard.

One of our kids was adopted, but we're not saying which.

Steele: My brother told me about this lacrosse player named Steele.  No other kid would ever mess with a kid named Steele, right? 

Jett: After James Dean’s character in Giant.  My absolute favorite actor playing one of my absolute favorite characters: Jett Rink.

Those are just a few of my favorite names.  I have some weirder ones up my sleeve but some of them, I can’t even explain why I like them.  I just do.

What do you think about weird names?  What names would you pick for your future kids or, if you have kids, why did you choose the names that you did?

Next time on I Have a Blog Now

A Doctor Who Discussion

Shit Parents Complain About

I Pick Ugly Guys

10 Things that Traumatized me as a Child

As always, thanks for reading.

Becky