Well hello, dear readers! Fancy meeting you here. Allow me to be (probably) the last to wish you a happy new year. Funny story, I had actually planned a Best of 2012 blog where I was going to ramble about my favorite music, movies and moments from last year, but it never got finished. I had a weird bout of illness right at the end of the year and then a bit of stress from going back to work, but whatever. That last blog of 2012 lays abandoned somewhere in the bowels of my MacBook Pro, so we shall speak no more of it. I will go ahead and tell you that my favorite song of 2012 was a tie between Paradise by Coldplay and the ENTIRETY of Torches, the album by Foster the People.
And now, dear readers, we find ourselves reunited once more, after a lengthy absence. If you are reading this, then I don’t know how I can ever articulate just how much it means to me. Having an audience, even if it is only an audience of a few, feels like a huge accomplishment. My sister told me a while ago that I need to stop doing “list” blogs, so we’ll see where this string of consciousness takes us.
I’ve had several impulses to hardcore blog since the last time we spoke, most notably after the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary. I usually do get the urge to write my thoughts on whatever the big story of the day is but if I do, I refrain from posting because I know everyone else has to get their two cents in and theirs are probably a lot more interesting than mine. I guess that’s the plight of the writer, though. There’s always stuff to talk about, but whether or not anybody’s going to listen is another matter.
Still, I find myself thinking about Sandy Hook and also the shooting in Aurora, especially now that I think the trial has started. I was reading about it recently and stumbled upon the James Holmes Fan Club, which is just as twisted as it sounds. I think some of its members have truly deluded themselves into rooting for him because he’s innocent but there are others (most of them, based on what I read) that, I don’t know, exhibit some weird form of…I don’t know, not Stockholm Syndrome but something similar. Like when Dark Knight came out and fangirls were freaking out over how sexy the Joker is, except way way more wrong because James Holmes actually killed people. And yet he still has fans. Fans that post pictures of him on Tumblr and talk about how sad and innocent his eyes are and how they just want to hug him.
When I read this stuff, I just don’t know what to think. And then something like Sandy Hook happens and fuels the outrage and the debate and the mobs of people demanding that the government do something. That’s an entirely different conversation and I won’t pretend that I’m educated enough on the subject to give anything more than my gut opinion. But these acts of senseless violence are just really troubling and I don’t know if has to do with gun control, the way our country handles mental illness or both.
I have always said that if/when I live alone, I want a gun in the house for safety. However, with everything that’s happened, I think we’re all starting to see that there are a lot of people out there who are armed but definitely shouldn’t be. And who’s to say that I’m “okay” to have a gun in my possession? I take medication for anxiety, so technically, I have mental health problems too. Does that make me just as likely to snap as any of these perpetrators?
At this time, I would like to make it perfectly clear that I do not now, nor have I ever wanted, thought about, fantasized of or planned to hurt anyone, including myself. If the James Holmes Fan Club is safe from persecution, then I think I’m free to voice my opinions as well, but you never know… The point is, even if I had those kinds of thoughts, it probably wouldn’t be very difficult for me to get my hands on a weapon and do some serious damage.
This is a problem that I don’t know the answer to. Something needs to change. There needs to be a change in gun control laws, there needs to be a change in healthcare so that people who need it can seek help. Maybe the most important thing is that it’s time we change the way we think about mental health. Seeing a shrink does not mean you’re crazy, taking meds does not mean you’re dangerous and diagnosing mental illness should not take place after a shooting spree.
At this point, I took a break from writing to surf the internet for a bit and found out that a shooter had opened fire at a high school in California and wounded two.
I don’t know what to say about this. I really don’t.
Maybe it’s the fact that I’m a teacher candidate and someone who values education and the sanctity of a school. Maybe it’s because the tragedy at Columbine had a profound effect on me, even as a kid. Maybe it’s because of that scene in American Horror Story where Tate executes a library shooting at his high school that is eerily similar to Columbine and still gives me nightmares… I can’t think of anything more terrifying.
What is it about schools that seems to attract shooters, anyway?
Yeah, I think this topic has been exhausted. I’m ready to start writing something funny now. Say what you will about my lists, but at least they’re not depressing.
Anyway, thanks again for reading, guys. It makes me so happy to see the view-count after I post. I’ll try to post again real soon.
I feel like we should have a sign at the top of the page: It has been __ days since Becky last proclaimed her love for someone via internet.
Progress!
Bex
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